Six Degrees of Desolation

My husband told me our daughter had something to ask me. “Daddy told me about ‘Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon’ today,” she said. She paused. Smiled. “Gal Gadot.” It was on. I am the champion of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. “Gal Gadot,” I repeated. “Gal Gadot was in Wonder Woman with Robin Wright.” And……

On Trust and Personal Responsibility

“Something very sinister happens to the people of a country when they begin to distrust their own reactions as deeply as they do here, and become as joyless as they have become…The person who distrusts himself has no touchstone for reality—for this touchstone can be only oneself.” -James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time I’m fairly……

Thoughts After Reading Notes on a Banana by David Leite

In Notes on a Banana, Leite writes about what he experiences as the central elements in his life: his Portuguese/Azorean heritage, his sexuality, his body image, his relationship with food, and his mental illness. In a straightforward manner, without self-pity or melodrama, Leite writes about how these elements intersect in his life, how his awareness……

On Side Effects and Self-Medication

As my dose of mood stabilizer has increased, the side effects have evolved. At first, the main side effect was a very dry throat and mouth and a little numbness in my lips and tongue. Those are still there, but have either improved or I’ve adjusted to them. As my dose increased, I found myself……

On Defining Normal

My psychiatrist has been increasing my mood stabilizer dose steadily since I began taking it almost four months ago. Each time I visit him, he asks me questions to gauge how well the medication is working for me. The questions are sometimes challenging for me to answer because the endpoint isn’t clear. Where am I……

On Change

I’m accustomed to a predictable cycle of moods: depression, elation, rage, then depression again. Looking back at my journals, this is how it’s been since at least college (I haven’t had the courage to look at my journals from high school or earlier). I might not like it, but it’s how I roll. Lately, however,……

On Lifestyle Changes Related to Bipolar Disorder

A few days after I got my diagnosis, I checked out a stack of books about bipolar from the library. I quickly returned the large percentage that seemed to equate having bipolar with being an idiot. The ones that were left all said pretty similar things. Take your medications. Learn to manage stress. Keep a regular schedule. Take your……

On Moods and Self-Identity

I recognize that my moods follow a predictable pattern. There’s the high, during which every cloud has a silver lining, every goal seems within my reach, and everything on the Internet seems worth purchasing. That lasts a few days before it gives way to a short but dramatic period of explosive tantrums, stomping, throwing things,……

On the Decision to Disclose a Diagnosis (or Not)

  I feel conflicted about telling people about my diagnosis. On the one hand, I feel a responsibility to disclose to help reduce the stigma of mental illness, especially serious mental illness. On the other hand, I feel like keeping it to myself because I don’t want to be the object of the stigma against……

On Medication Dependency, or You Get What You Get and You Don’t Throw a Fit

Recently a woman I know told a group of people about her decision to taper down her depression and anxiety medications. She explained that she’d needed them when she was working because her job was so stressful, but now that she’s retired, she doesn’t feel like she needs them anymore. “I’ve come to the realization……